ASPIRING FOR GREATNESS!!!!

How do you forgive yourself

This was a great read, and I thought it would be good to share as we all have trouble forgiving ourselves.  I have made some mistakes in my life that sometimes I still do beat myself up for.  But guess what I realize you cant change the past, you can only live for today.  Sarah Markley is an (in)courage writer on Daysprings.com.

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5 Steps to Forgiving Yourselfphotogreencup-1000x1000

“I’m just so stupid!!” One of my daughters face-palms herself after a mistake she’s made. And I’ll admit, it’s a big one.

“No you aren’t. You just made a poor choice.” I go to her, gather her and do my best to infuse truth into her heart and somehow layer it over the lies that have begun to reside there.

I have never told her she is stupid or bad or unlovable. To the contrary. I try to combat those outside influences each day of their lives.

You know you’re amazing.

You are so smart.

You’ve done your best, that’s all you can do!

But even my girls are prime examples of just how hard we are on ourselves.

My 10 year old can run 3 good barrel runs but if she disqualifies on her fourth, she’s in tears. My 6 year old can stop the attempted goals for a whole soccer game but if she lets one sneak through as goalie, she can’t seem to forgive herself.

Why is it so hard? And why are we so hard on ourselves?

As adults we’ve seen so much more in our own lives worth forgiving then letting soccer goals squeak by or going off course in a barrel race. We’ve made big bad poor choices that really do affect our own hearts and the lives of others.

We’ve betrayed people and spouses and we’ve lied to people that didn’t deserve to be lied to. We’ve stolen and held anger close and we’ve been bitter. We’ve also simply made big, life-altering but unavoidable mistakes that have hurt and tripped others and ourselves.

As adults, we’ve done a lot of things over our lifetimes that truly deserve a face-palm.

Probably the most common question I hear when you tell me your stories is this one:

How did you learn to forgive yourself?

I’m not a step-by-step formula girl, but I’ve tried to drill it down to five steps, more or less, that have helped me come from a place of understanding the mistakes I’ve made to being able to forgive myself. {And I’ve made a few big ones in my time.}

1. Take responsibility for what is yours but not for what is not yours. Here’s what I mean. To begin to forgive ourselves we must realize that we actually did do something stupid or silly or wrong or unthoughtful. We have to take responsibility for our actions and behaviors that led us to the place. But we also shouldn’t take responsibility for the mistakes and wrongs of others. If my 1st grader gets in a tussle on the playground and screams angrily at another kid, she should take responsibility for what she has done wrong, but not for the actions of the other child. Those of us who are hard on ourselves often take too much blame and we take blame that is not ours.

2. Start speaking the truth. The truth is, you’ve already been forgiven. The truth is, your mistakes do not define you. The truth is, you are not alone. The truth is, the grace and forgiveness of God are bigger than all of us and our mistakes combined. The truth is, God has deemed us worthy of His forgiveness. When we begin to speak these things we also begin to believe them. And the truth is, your journey to forgiving yourself is one that God with travel with you each step of the way.

3. Embrace grace. Bask in it. Observe it in action. Watch for it. Become an expert in it so you can recognize it when you see it. Begin receiving it from others if you don’t. Those of us who are hard on ourselves are also hard recipients of grace. We don’t accept it from ourselves (it’s why we are on this journey) and often we don’t accept it from others.

4. Forgive others. One of the best ways I know how to begin doing something is to practice it. If we practice forgiving one another, the forgiving of our own mistakes comes all the quicker.

5. Let others speak the truth into your life when you forget it. Sometimes we need good, objective truth-speakers in our lives to help remind us that we have already been forgiven. Maybe it is a good friend, a mentor, a counselor or a fellow {in}courage community member. None of us can journey on our own, ever, so even in this it is good to have solid, strong people around us to tell us that we are worthy of forgiveness. And to tell us once in awhile that:

we are amazing,

we are smart,

and we’ve done the best we can.

Do you have trouble forgiving yourself? What things have helped you?

by Sarah Markley

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I especially love #4, remembering to forgive others will no doubt help you in forgiving yourself.

Remember, Where there is Life there is Hope.

Audria

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